A friend would never do that!
Riders, spouses, kids and other Harley-Davidson enthusiasts poured into the York Factory Open House several years ago. The fairgrounds and expo center buzzed with the sounds of talking, laughter and revving motorcycle engines. Familiar faces and strangers were gathered, along with Harley-Davidson itself. Key figures from Harley-Davidson corporate mingled with the crowd, H-D motorcycles were everywhere, and people showcased their H-D gear. People went on factory tours and enjoyed food and drinks. As they enjoyed the day, increasingly hungry adults and kids expected to get free hot dogs, a hallmark of the York Open House in previous years. This year, however, the hot dogs were not free. People were charged a few dollars for hot dogs, with proceeds going to charity.

Attendees were outraged. They argued with H-D organizers. They wrote angry letters to the company afterwards. Newspaper articles and blogs declared that Harley-Davidson sold out its community. Negative publicity swirled around the event. The following year, hot dogs were again free of charge. Why did this happen? Why did Harley-Davidson’s decision to charge a few dollars for hot dogs outrage its extremely loyal community?

Perhaps it’s that people perceive Harley-Davidson to be like a friend, not a company. It may not always be at the center of the community, but the brand is definitely a member. And people would never allow their friends to charge for food when they throw a party, yet that’s what it felt like H-D did at the York Factory Open House. Come on over for a party and bring your wallets!

This situation highlights a conundrum that faces the world’s most beloved brands: How do you grow your business while also enjoying an emotional relationship with your customers?

Using the lens of friendship, this article introduces principles brands should follow and alternate roles they can play to build and maintain strong, emotional connections with customers. Every action associated with a brand (products, advertising, events) has implications for brand friendship. Even an action that may seem insignificant and arbitrary to an organization could be seen as an act of betrayal by the brand’s most loyal customers.

Consumer-brand relationships are less about love and more about friendship.
Just like our friends, brands shape our experiences. They show up at work, at home, and everywhere in between. Brand thought leaders often use the language of love to describe the consumer-brand relationship; they compare the relationship to marriage, dating, an infatuation, and even a fling. Brands aspire to build a strong love with their customers. However, love can be very volatile and requires a great deal of commitment. Oftentimes, neither the brand nor the customer have this kind of commitment.

Instead, brands can use friendship as the lens to grow and develop relationships with customers. Friendships are emotional, reciprocal, and come in many forms. As people choose many different types of friends, they also choose many different brands. People have one great love story, if they’re lucky, but they will form several strong friendships.

People’s friends play different roles; brands can adopt some of these roles. In his book Vital Friends, Tom Rath introduces eight friendship roles that shape people’s home and work lives. The roles are Builder, Companion, Connector, Collaborator, Energizer, Mind Opener, Navigator, and Champion. Typically brands try to play the Companion role in people’s lives. A Companion, like a love relationship, is intertwined in all aspects of a person’s life, but with this comes a lot of responsibility that some of the other roles don’t have. It’s often too much for a brand to fulfill. Roles that are potentially better suited for brands include Connector, Collaborator, Energizer, and Mind Opener. These roles address tangible needs and activities that people can look beyond another person to fulfill and still feel genuine.

Harley-Davidson has embodied what it means to cultivate a community and to form a friendship with individual consumers. Strong brands form friendships with consumers and can play a number of roles in people’s lives. Harley-Davidson plays several friend roles: It acts as a Connector by bringing like-minded people together, a Mind Opener by inspiring people to try new things, and a Collaborator by accompanying people in activities. And the danger was in playing Companion. Creating brand relationships that are like friendships requires maintenance. There are rules to follow in friendship, and when the rules are broken, people can feel hurt and leave. Close brand relationships can put an organization in a vulnerable position.

Think for a minute of a fight you had with a good friend. The feelings had been brewing for a while and finally you decided to confront them. You had a mix of emotions—sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment. You felt betrayed; you trusted them. And then they cheapened the friendship by what they did. And now looking at their face you felt disgusted by them and by yourself. This is the danger of a brand behaving like a Companion. It’s high-value in terms of loyalty, but also very volatile. Organizations in this position discover they need to care for their customers, get them excited, recommend new activities, and help them out, not just meet their basic needs. To walk this tight rope, brand managers may discover they need to ask themselves the following questions.

Build brands like you would form and maintain friendships.
TRUST. Does the brand build trust with the customer through every action?
People can build friendships with brands if both the brand and consumer can exchange personal information. Trust in the friendship can also be built if the brand is introduced by a friend of the consumer or by a brand that is already trusted.

Tide has been a trusted brand for over 50 years. Using vehicle marketing, Tide has successfully introduced other brands like Downey into people’s homes. Tide recommends other P&G brands to its most loyal customers.

INFLUENCE. Are you enabling people to influence the brand?
When people can shape and influence the brand, the friendship becomes stronger. People love their own creations.

Jones Soda is a simple beverage with a powerful label. People submit photos for the beverage label and the website. Consumers get to act as influencers to the brand. When their picture is printed on a label, people can see themselves as brand owners.

SELF-IDENTIFICATION. Are you offering ways for people to express themselves through the brand?
People are trying to identify with brands they are similar to or hope to be similar to. They express themselves and learn about themselves through the brands they associate with.

Virgin stands for a fun, exploratory lifestyle. From the music store to the airline, Virgin has one personality that consumers can understand. In some instances people buy the brand because they are like Virgin, in other instances they buy Virgin because it’s their role model. Because Virgin is in so many businesses it can connect with people in different aspects of their life.

SHARED ACTIVITY. Are there shared activities between the brand and customers?
Collaboration and joint participation in an activity can strengthen the friendship between consumers and brands. Products are a great way to connect with people in an activity.

In 2006, Apple and Nike introduced the Nike + iPod, a sensor and specialized shoes that can talk to your iPod. The Nike + iPod tracks your progress and motivates you on your run. This product connects the iPod to an activity more specific than listening to music. When people exercise, they are not just bringing their mp3 player along, they are bringing their coach.

EVOLUTION. Does the brand grow and change with the customers?
Keeping up with how people change is hard even for friends. But a long-term friendship requires brands to accommodate customers as they grow and develop. As stated by Charles Darwin, “It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”

Gerber grows with kids at every stage. From milk to baby food to toddler food, the Gerber brand grows up with kids. It responds to the changing needs of kids, not only in the food, but in the messaging as well. Gerber Graduates helps parents and kids feel grown up and accomplished.

Brands can play multiple friend roles.
The Companion role is what most brands aspire to. There are four other friendship roles that brands are well suited for; they include Connector, Collaborator, Mind Opener, and Energizer. Playing one or more of these friendship roles, not Companion or love roles, ensures that brands can continue to grow their business while enjoying an emotional relationship with customers.