Coping With The Post-Carb Era By Making Bread Fun Again

You would think bread manufacturers had a pretty good brand going. Indeed, some might say the only thing better than bread is sliced bread. After all, bread is delicious. And it’s useful when making a sandwich. However, apparently, the tried-and-true tactic of marketing bread as “something pleasurable to eat” wasn’t working well enough (maybe we can blame Atkins).

Wonder Bread is intent on making bread “fun for the whole family.” Their website notes: “Is a bread tie just that? Maybe. Unless you close your eyes and imagine. Then suddenly, it transforms into a ring for your daughter's hand. Or maybe even the solution to a rainy Sunday afternoon.” (Your daughter is going to have to have an attention span which allows her to mesmerized by her new bread tie ring for a very long time).

But then, Wonderbread has nothing on bread slippers – they’re so much more exciting than that old bread tie ring.

No, it’s not just bread made to look interesting and then consumed. Bread slippers are actually meant to be worn. They’re available in all different kinds of bread, and retail for around €20. However, the manufacturers point out that they’re best in a dry climate – as they no doubt wouldn’t hold up well once the bread became soggy and began rotting in filthy, doughy chunks around your toes.

The designers note enthusiastically that the shoes are edible – but given that we’re afraid to pick up things off the floor when we’ve been walking (three second rule!) does it really seem that anyone would want to eat something that they’re been wearing on their bare feet? Does anyone even want to eat something that has the potential to go on their bare feet? It seems somewhat unlikely.